Confessions Of A Black Widow
by ShatteredGlassTheif
Summary: The result of the team going to soak up the sun and Natasha going stir crazy. Stark isn't helping and Clint's still the only person she trusts enough to help her plot revenge on Tony. the summary sucks.
1. Chapter 1The Beginnings Of Cabin Fever

i have been completely obsessed with the avengers (especially hawkeye and black widow) so i hope you enjoy and there might be some clintasha later in the story.

I do not own (does anyone else feel very sad when they type that?)

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Confessions of a Black Widow

The beginnings of cabin fever.

I was informed that vacations were about resorting mental health and self-confidence levels. As it turns out Italian beach retreats do neither of these things because Italy's climate, in august, during a heat wave, is enough to drive someone who spent close to twelve years in northern Russia to distraction. That and the small fact that my self-confidence was fine before hey it can survive an alien invasion, European girls shedding bikini tops at will and seeing their skinny unmuscled legs. What I (and my ego) can't take is the knowledge that every single other person within the vicinity is tanned. I feel like a fricking milk bottle.

Everyone expects me to feel the same confidence I do on missions after all black widow is the apple of every red blooded man's eye. None of Coulson's dream team seem to remember that she is just a mask who shares only some characteristics with myself. Let me tell you confidence isn't one of them or rather confidence that I won't be seen. These girls are confident because they're here to be seen body and soul. I'm confident on missions because then I'm black widow they see my body they see a character, if they're very good they see an actor behind that character (only one person was that good). But on holiday I feel I owe it to the team to not act but I'm still scared that someone's going to see past the distraction of my body and see my soul and all the scars that mar it to the core.

Scratch that (to deep) I owe them nothing. After all what can a master assassin own a bunch of five year olds? Yeah you heard me my team is made up of five year olds (or five and a half in Bruce's case). Guess I no longer have to worry about them concerning themselves with that shit. Yet this is still nowhere near in the realm of relaxing. (Thor's not even here and I'm still picking up Shakespearean!).

Reasons this 'holiday' is stupid…

1) Stark suggested it

2) Stark is still here

3) I can't train. All of mine and Clint's weapons went 'missing' during a flight in the luggage hold of Stark's private jet

4) Everyone else in this country is tanned, except pepper (but she's not sunburnt)

5) Steve's face constantly resembles a tomato, and the boys have a pool running on whether or not it's permanent

6) 50% of the women have an aversion to upper body clothing(this is closely linked to 5)

7) I'm sunburnt

8) Clint suggested Europe so he could smoke

9) I'm bored as proved by this list

All of those reasons are still not as annoying as the fact that they Clint, Steve, Bruce and Stark (Thor's visiting Jane) have been throwing sand for around an hour and thirty seven minutes. I told you they were five year olds. Well minus Bruce and Steve now, I guess he realised that sand fights aren't something that ninety year olds generally participate in. That and the fact he looks as though he's got sand in his eyes and mouth.

"What are you doing behind the rocks?" Half of me is tempted to say it's none of his business. "Deciding on the most appropriate and painful way of killing Stark."

"But why here? Why not in the sun?" He does know about the lack of sun screen (even Pepper didn't have any) "I don't want to develop skin cancer," he looks confused. "Stark stole my sun cream, I'm Russian Steve I burn." I'm interrupted by the arrival of Tony. "Hey I found a spider under this rock!" As long as he doesn't throw sand at me. As long as he..." Tony I don't think that's a good idea." Little late Barton. "Stark you have five minutes." That should be enough to get this damn sand off me "Aw. She cares she's giving me an advantage." All I can do is look at Clint silently begging to be allowed to kill him. The number of times I've done that since meeting Tony Stark, by the look in his eyes he's thinking that he wants his quiver back. Stark's the only one who knows where it is (and the only one who would dare take it) Clint's bow was the only weapon he failed to kidnap and no one knows where he's hidden them or how he got them.

Barton pulls out a cigarette an offers it to me knowing full well that I never smoke. He lights up the only sign that he's as sick of Italy(and Tony) as I am. Starks talking to Steve having been told to 'shut up and leave' by the normally good Dr. "Come on Steve you're not going to let the Russians win are you? You're captain America you have to defend me!"

"Wrong war tin can." Tony's cries of indigence can be heard on the opposite shoreline where ever that is.

I managed to escape to my room after that. Stark thinks he's of the hook. Ah Mr. Stark beware the fury of a patient man. Or his partner. "I'm pretty sure that Fury sent us out here to cope Tasha not plot."

"Killing Stark would help me cope enormously." Clint sighs and then I notice. "Outside _now_ Barton."

"Come on Nat it's just..." i just point "No smoking inside. I don't care where in the world we are." This is probably one of the reasons he spends so much time on the roof at home. I don't care if it's a coping method. what we all have them; Steve draws and works the punch bags, Bruce buries himself in research(that no one but Stark attempts to comprehend), Thor tries to master midgradian technology (read as make things explode), Tony drinks and invents _stuff(_read as makes things explode), I write and train and Clint trains, smokes and sings. Neither of us can train (Fury threatened us with desk duty and Stark stole our weapons) Clint also refuses to sing when he knows the walls aren't sound proofed so he's smoking half a pack a day. I have no idea why I'm suddenly so fixated on this maybe it's because I don't want my partner to get lung cancer. "Yes Clint I know you're reading over my shoulder."

"but, but..." He's trying to resort to the wide eyed inoccent look. "Do you really care that much Tasha?"

"I don't want the paperwork moron and you do make good coffee."

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Thanks for reading! Please review pretty please :)

The next chapter is depending on it.


	2. Chapter 2 We saved the world

**I was amazed by the response I got to this story so thank you to everyone who read it, subscribed and added it to their favourites! And an especially big thank you to, TheMostRandomOfRandomWriters , Sarcastic Musician, yolynnjones and Gemini96 for reviewing. **

**On with the holiday.**

****We Saved The World, Why Are We Being Punished?

Insomnia, I think within SHIELD it must be the most common medical affliction and yet they refuse to give us sleeping pills, or morphine. You'd think that exhausted, cranky agent would be the last thing that the Docs wanted, it's them that get threatened after missions (or in Clint and I's case bodily harmed) but no they insist that the pills, which we all know they have, are for emergency use only.

Apparently a '_restful'_ holiday with the other Avengers doesn't class as an emergency. It is simply a catastrophe. Not like the New York incident, just a smaller scale one like when Thor attempted to make _cakes of the pan, _a minor catastrophe, relatively. It started out as endurable, despite my almost immediate sun burn and the fact that Stark got every single one of us covered head to toe in sand, that was a given we expected it and moved on. But no Tony Stark decided he was bored (it was his fucking idea to go on a beach holiday)!

So in the absence of his lab he tried to make god only knows what out of Pepper's kindle. And then leave it with a stack of Bruce's smuggled along papers, where it exploded. The big guy didn't like that very much Bruce's _hulk-out _didn't last long but he got big enough to need to borrow clothes after. Which is when Stark started moaning about how we should have gone to France then Bruce would have been fine, completely omitting that it was him who had essentially stimulated the episode. But hey we had the beach to ourselves for the argument that followed which basically involved two people (Pepper and Steve) yelling at Tony, whilst Clint, Bruce and I tried to decide if there was any chance of ditching Stark to night. It turns out that there isn't because the simplest thing to do would be to give him sleeping pills, but no we couldn't have any of those. I suggested hog tying him, Thor would have agreed with me.

We could tell him to meet us at the bar and then sneak of into town for the night but that would mean leaving Pepper to to Stark's insanity when we got back. Bruce thought that that would be worth it or he told us the big guy did, the hulk also agreed with hog tying him.

Everyone (minus Pepper and Tony) is in Clint and I's room, we are the only two who had to share except Mr Stark and Miss Potts. Clint is currently snoozing away on _my _side of the bed. It is currently seven pm local time, we have been here for nine hours. Do not ask what time we woke up. Or why Stark was wide awake at that time despitethe fact he never stirs before half eleven.

Steve is staring wide eyed at the teeny tiny tv in the room, while Bruce tries to explain the technological advances that allow it to be coloured an not black and white like he's (still) used to. Needless to say no one is listening to Bruce, it's a shame really he rarely talks and when he does most people can't understand him because he's not speaking English. Me and Clint might speak more languages than can be counted on our hands but geek is not one of them (but if it's physics Clint can generally figure it out and then explain it in simpler terms).

"Why are there so many people here?" Ever the sniper(read lone hawk) "Clint there are four people in this room including you." Although Steve's bulk does make the room seem smaller than normal. "What is everyone doing here?"

"Deciding how to ditch Stark tonight hopefully. I wanted a quiet vacation, the man managed not only to get sand all over me but all over my open suitcase too. Do you know how uncomfortable clothes with sand in are? He can deal with solitude for one night. Because otherwise Clint and Natasha are flying me home. " Pepper we feel your pain. Our door also feels your pain since you slammed. We feel it mainly because it's assaulting our ears but Iron Arse is steadily killing us as well.

Maybe it's the fact that it's _Pepper_ who is the one who's ranting, the only person on earth ,now that Phil's gone, who can stand Stark, Phil didn't put up with him he shut him up, and Clint doesn't count 'cause he switches his hearing aides off, I _think_.

"Why don't we just leave now. Wander round the town till evening or well you know later, then eat. If he wants Stark can eat here but," poor Steve always interrupted.

"He's trying to find alternative uses for the e-ink or whatever it is they use in kindles God knows what for. We all know what he's like when working he goes for days without food and he doesn't even notice one meal won't kill him."

"How many kindles did you bring? Do you buy 'em in bulk for the discount?" Trust Clint even barely wake he's still sarcastic.

"Just one he didn't need the screen this morning." Bruce got noiselessly to his feet. "Should we get a taxi or walk to town?"

"Walk. I don't want another really awkward phone call where I can't understand and the other person can't understand." Oh Pepper surely you know my resumé wasn't totally faked. "I could get us a cab. So could Tasha we're fluent."

'_You just had to tell them didn't you?'_

_'Would you prefer they find out when we order in flawless Italian or when we have a long complicated conversation with the cabbie?'_

"Will you two ever share how you can do that? You know the whole silent conversation thing?" I raise an eyebrow and glance at Clint

"Sure," right like hell Barton. "It's because we, took a magic potion that allows us to read each other's minds." He said it at light speed and ended with a self satisfactory nod. I couldn't help it I laughed while Steve and Pepper looked unimpressed and Bruce smiled "Are you sure it wasn't gamma rays I've heard they can do strange things to people?" This caused me and hawk to grin, while Pepper looked disapproving like it wasn't a laughing matter and Steve looked confused (again) I guess Banner hasn't explain how he can _hulk_ _out _to the captin yet. Probably a good thing.

"Pepper are you going to venture back into Stark's room to get clothes and stuff or do you wanna borrow something?" What we're similar sizes and shop talk tends to get men (especially Banner and Rogers) out of a room like Stark himself. Clint is actually the first to move "Meet me down at the bar when your all done." What's got you're feathers in a knot bird brain? Oh shit. Since when were there circus ads on tv? I switch it off but Clints already out the door, Bruce and Steve in tow.

**There will be more clintasha next time guys I promise.**

**Cyber cookies to who ever figures out what I manipulated the chapter title from. **

**I'm sorry for not updating sooner and I don't have an excuse only that it's the summer holidays and my brain is hibernating. I only have one week left and still have a metric tonne of homework. Who gives home work for the summer. **

**Rant over. Please review. An thanks for reading**


	3. Chapter 3 Girl Talk

**hello all, I'm sorry about the long wait, first week of school 'n' that jazz. I can no longer say I'm in year X and be (technically) telling the truth :(. Pepper might be a little off I haven't seen Iron man in forever. I'm also sorry that this chapter is not one I'm particularly proud of. But I did manage to hint at Budapest. Which I somewhere i really want to go as well as Prague. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything (not even my soul I traded it for food, and you think I'm joking)**

"Well that was abrupt." Huh I thought I was the only one to notice that. I guess Pepper does work for Stark she has to be aware and constantly vigilant. "Wasn't the tv on a second ago?" Maybe not constantly vigilant. "Yeah but I don't want to listen to the crap that Italians call news." That and the fact I'm no more comfortable with Clint's past than he is. "Is there anything between you and Clint." Jesus, couldn't you even _attempt_ to be subtle?

"Not like that. He's my partner and my best friend that's it." I don't feel comfortable lying. I never feel uncomfortable lying, why do I feel guilty? It's not normal. "Sorry Natasha. I just thought that well, you let Tony get you a double room, you two normally hate him assuming things, but you let this slide."

"You thought we didn't care because we were secretly screwing each other." I raise my eyebrows at her expression "Seriously? You must be more far enamoured with Stark than I thought." I sigh while she looks mildly insulted. Moving to the closet I start to look for suitable items of clothing. "If you really want to know we don't care because, one, we're too tired and also because on missions we normally have to share so we're very used to it."

"Wasn't it awkward, the first times I mean did you know each other before or were you just thrown together?"

"We knew each other before we were partnered," I throw three pairs of shoes onto the bed, "kind of." I don't think Pepper heard that. I turn and see her face silently pleading for me to just tell her. "You owe me a shot of the best Russian vodka you can find Potts. He saved my life, he chose not to take the shot. I'd gotten on to S.H.I.E.L.D's black list by working for a group set up by the KGB and taking jobs on the side. But he realised that I didn't want it I didn't love killing like some of them do I was doing it because I didn't know anything else, wasn't cabable of doing anything else. So he took me back to SHIELD and as punishment for not killing me he had to baby sit me on missions and off. It was awful at first, we were both so used to solo ops we didn't know how to work with other people in the field. Anyway it was about our fifth mission and he got shot I managed to drag him to the safe house and the only thing I could think of to keep him awake was talking. So we both just sat on the bed retelling every story we knew to each other until the medical and evac team got there." Ah Budapest. "After that it never bothered us much." I mean after a nightmare one of us might end up on the floor or at knife point but a warm body is nice. Hell even at Stark towers we share a bed more often than not it's easier to calm down when someone is there for you to cling on to for dear life. "Try that on, it should be long enough." I knew I bought it for a reason, what? I might grow a foot during a mission (rumour has it that has happened, something about illegal chemical testing). "It doesn't seem very you." She's right. "Old habit, pack for two people in case _you_ get made."

"Jesus, I thought Tony was paranoid about his suit."

"Just try the dress on. These as well" I throw one of the pairs of shoes at her. After moving (being shoved by _Fury_) into Stark Towers we quickly realised we had the same sized feet. "Natasha you should never throw stilettos. Oh My God are these louboutins! Why did you throw them?"

"Because that was the quickest thing to do and required the least effort. Please don't say I might've hurt them, They're shoes Pepper."

This is Bob he is a line. Say hello

"Hey how long does it take to get changed?" Clint asks us as we weave our way around the tables toward the bar where the three guys are sat. Steve and Bruce are nursing half full beers. Which surprises me, Bruce is always so cautious that he's never seen drinking at the tower. Steve however, can't actually get drunk so he actually frequently tries and fails to drink me under the table.

Pepper having honed her selective hearing to perfection (what can I say Stark brings out the best in people) ignores him. "Did anyone actually ask about cabs?"

"It's a five minute walk Pepper, we can get one back though I'm not being responsible for walking you back whilst drunk." I almost feel sorry for Steve being the leader. Almost. Wait... "Pepper you did agree to buy me vodka." I'm so glad that Pepper doesn't really care about my stint at Stark Industries. I wouldn't have a girl to gossip with (Agent Hill is useless). What don't judge me for being nosiey person I'm a good spy for a reason. "You do realise you could just order it and bill it to the room."

"Yeah just telling you I was cashing in." I can't help but smile at the barman "Un colpo di vodka per favore."

"Si signora." He turns to find a glass and the bottle. By the time he set the shot glass down the others have immersed themselves in conversation about the best classic novels of all time. I'm surprised enough that my fingers stop tracing the rim of my glass when Clint taps my knee. That's our we are going to talk later sign. I guess it must be about what I told or didn't tell Pepper. I incline the glass toward him before tipping it back. A silent promise. To match our silent relationship, the though wanders across my brain as the fire water hits my stomach.

**I'm sorry it's late. My iPod broke, it was traumatic. And my GCSE music group have been told we're all screwed (we have a new teacher he awesome but shocked) because essentially we have to do a two year course in one year so extra class after school on Monday, meaning a ridicous three nights a week of music. But hey at least I like it. **

**Has anyone else heard st. James infirmary by Hugh Laurie, check it out**

**Night please review. **

**Love you all for reading e-hugs**


	4. Chapter 4 Heart to hearts

Confessions of a black widow

**Chapter 4**

**I'm sorry. *desperately tries to avoid the flying rotten veg***

**I bet you'd all forgotten about this right. Well my sister just got engaged and my grandma died the day before that. To say its been a mixed week is an understatement. Don't you agree? I also went to China for ten days in early November it was awesome. **

Personally I would never have pegged Pepper as a lightweight. Even Bruce can drink more than her, barely. But I suppose it is her one night off from babysitting why not get wasted? However, I think she may have ruined my shoes on the cobbled streets of little Italy. Well she would have done had Steve not started carrying her, bridal style. Clint was looking forward to have Tony would react to this, but no Stark fell asleep with a book on his head. An actual book I had no idea he owned any real non virtual books and I worked for the man for half a year.

Stealing the shoes back from pepper was ridicously easy. I absent mindedly wonder, as Clint unlocks our room, if she'll panic in morning, when she can't find the damn things. Clint tugs at my free hand to get me moving. Pulling me through the doorway, shutting it and then pressing me against it in one movement. "Tasha."

"Hmmm" I sigh and inhale slowly, we haven't been this close all day. "Did you tell her?" You know the answer "Why not? You know we can't keep it a secret till kingdom come. Don't you trust her, any of them?" I look up pleading with him. "It was to easy. Infiltrating stark industries was too easy. She didn't trust me then but..."

"Hey." He presses his forehead against mine. "Tasha," He leans even closer, every breath brushing over my features. "It's only gonna get harder if you think like that." _I know this, you suspect that I don't_.

He cradles my face with one hand, out of habit I press a kiss into his palm. "You know I always wonder if we'd have told them would they act differently? Would they be more awkward round us? Or would we feel more comfortable? But it's reflex isn't it, for us, we didn't even think when they first asked us if we were together to say yes, it's always been denial." To ourselves almost as much as the outside world. Four years is a long time to bury feelings like this but we're us, we managed it. "Nat. Next time Stark asks we'll tell the truth." _shut up bird brain_. "Whatever floats your boat. Now go fetch me my book."

"Way to kill the moment. "

"I'm an assassin killing is what I do best."

"I can think of other things." He presses a kiss to my jaw and attaches a hand to my waist. "Book please mister." Clint's obvious response to that is running across the room, picking up the book and promptly throwing on top of the wardrobe.

He shrugs. "It's a shit book."

"You are such a child."

"Yet you're the one being petulant." I walk over to where he's now reclining on our bed. "Try to read the dictionary again did you?" To be fair to him he didn't know it was a dictionary, he just picked it up to help with the whole badass non-chalance act. "Hmm. Did you know that batrachophagous is a word. It's the name for someone who eats frogs."

Reasons to not allow Clint Barton to read dictionaries

1)He spouts meaningless (to the general population) words out at will.

2) He then finds all the near by books and writes in (**IN PEN!**) '_better_' words where possible.

While it is only eleven at night, I'm on holiday and the latter point is all the argument needed for this case.

Clint's fallen asleep by the time that I have managed to find my gym shorts and tank top. He hasn't even bothered to steal the duvet and make a nest. Sugary cocktails and dictionaries, the down fall of the amazing hawkeye. Shaking my head I climb between the sheets next to him. It's still hot and humid but even so having the familiar warmth next to me is comforting, so much so that I wouldn't even have kept a glock under my pillow ( like at home ). Not that I had the choice. Must ask Pepper if she knows where our weapons are. Probably not.

Clint shifts slightly so that my head is lent against his chest. It's the best way of scaring off each other's nightmares. But now it's harder, Loki doesn't scare so easily. But even that's better than dreaming of family, always.

Phil always got that. He cut us slack, whereas now the council appear to have just cut us loose. Minimise potential losses, althought neither Clint nor I were recognised or clearly photographed. Barton tries to find a cooler part of the bed, still leaving our limbs interlocked. His slow breathing lulls me to sleep.

**I apologise profusely for A the long wait, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, and favourited this story in my extended absence. And B for the sappy ending my brain has been in overdrive for the past few weeks and my dad just yell the house down about me painting at eleve. How does it even effect him? Grr. Happy 12/12/12. And the hobbit comes out tomorrow (technically today) Woop! Happy breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses (is that how you spell it?) ect **

Love, glass


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